


Save the Princess, they said. It'd be fun, they said.

by VKDrabs (valorikei)



Series: RusAme NSFW Drabbles [27]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Butting Heads, Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Princes & Princesses, Rapunzel Elements, Rescue Missions, VK Drabbles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 12:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2388761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valorikei/pseuds/VKDrabs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabble #46: Pairing Order: RusAme / Prompt: Rapunzel/Rumplestilzkin AU. Prince Alfred goes to rescue the fair maiden locked away in the tower... Only to discover a huffy "princess" Ivan waiting for him. / Rating: T+</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save the Princess, they said. It'd be fun, they said.

**Author's Note:**

> I might turn this idea into a story, but I have not decided yet.

"I guess this is the place," Alfred hummed, checking the messy map his advisor had thrown together before he left. Everyone had been so excited for him! He was finally going to rescue his very own princess and marry her and then they were going to have kids and he'd get to upgrade from Prince to King status! "Fuck yeah! I'm going to be a king!"

After checking his teeth one more time and rehearsing his lines, Alfred was finally ready to address the tower above him, knowing the fair maiden was waiting for him to rescue her. He recalled his advisor's words, detailing the beauty to be as pale as the moon, with a luscious body, and the ability to turn whatever she wanted into gold. Alfred shivered with joy, excited to meet his bride-to-be.

"Princess?" he called up the tower, and then glanced around when he received no answer. He  _did_  come to the right place, right? Why weren't there any guards? Or peasants, even? He frowned and shifted from foot to foot, getting a little anxious. "Princess! I have come to rescue you, uh, throw down-"

Shit, what was he supposed to ask her to throw down again? Her hair? A ladder? He scowled, doing his best to remember the stupid thing. Why was rescuing a princess this hard? Surely there had to be, like, stairs or something, right? Alfred refused to wonder what the poor princess would do if the tower ever caught on fire. Shaking his head, he figured he'd just ask for a whole bunch of things until the princess complied.

"Throw down your… throw down your bananas!" Alfred shouted and then hit himself for sounding stupid. Where the fuck did that come from? Oh, probably from him eating all of his food in the first few days of his trip instead of portioning it out for the journey. Wait, no time to think about that! He had to rescue a princess! "Throw down your shoes! Uh, no wait… Throw down a rope?"

At this point he was just taking random stabs in the dark, hoping the princess didn't hear all of his bad guesses and instead just the good one. Lucky for him, the beauty tossed a sparkling golden rope out a moment later, Alfred grinning with pride when he caught the end of it. He noticed after a moment that it wasn't actually a rope, but rather a well-crafted and very thick… scarf? Could it even count as a scarf anymore if it was this long?

Either way, Alfred let out a heroic laugh of triumph as he clutched the rope-scarf-thing, pulling himself up bit by bit with all of the skills he'd learned in training. He was so excited! The princess would be inside, and then he'd woo her with his impressive muscles and pretty smile, and then she'd swoon into his arms and he'd carry her home to the wedding at the palace! He snickered and beamed, already gloating to peasants in his head as he finally hefted himself up over the ledge into the princess' private chamber.

"My fair lady!" he called out, his booming voice loud and a little grating as he dropped down onto the floor and immediately into a bow, not even looking at the woman inside as he stooped. He slowly started to rise up, grinning with excitement. "I am Prince Alfred of York! And I have come here to-"

He couldn't even bring himself to finish, just gawking at the princess sitting perfectly still in a rocking chair- if he could even be called a princess. The man sitting in the chair truly was as pale as the moon, and judging from the needles in his hand, he truly could turn anything to gold. But, a luscious body? The princess sighed, appearing incredibly bored already from Alfred's antics. "What? Speak up, boy."

"I-I, what-! You're a man!" Alfred accused with such shattered hopes Ivan just had to laugh, tilting his flawless and beautiful head to one side. Alfred flinched and quickly withdrew his pointing finger, holding it close to his chest as the princess rose to his full height. In the short movement, Alfred couldn't help but be amazed by the golden and silver robe the princess wore, and the way it draped elegantly down his body, tied by a sash around his waist to show off how slender he was there. Well, compared to everywhere else. The man looked like a beast with how broad and blocky he was! Yet somehow he still retained the dignified grace of prestigious and elegant royalty.

"It seems you are disappointed," the princess lamented with a sigh, lips puckered just slightly as he taunted the foolish prince, Alfred gawking and just staring in shame. Shit. Maybe this had been a totally bad idea and he should have just waited for a king to present his daughter to him for marriage… Why had he convinced himself the hero route would be better?! "At least we are mutual in that feeling."

"E-excuse me?" Alfred huffed in annoyance, glaring at the man as the princess just shrugged, looking smug and thoroughly pleased with himself for his comment. Fuming and stinging from his wounded pride, Alfred decided to get a little offensive. "I didn't walk for two days just to be- to be-"

The princess rolled his eyes, frowning as he let his eyes rove up and down Alfred's body. Eventually he sighed. "My name is Ivan, Prince of Rus… Rather, I am posing as my sister Katyusha for the time being. She actually had dreams and aspirations, and I don't so I figured it wouldn't be an awful life to live in a tower and knit all day… I suppose now I won't have that anymore, hm?"

"Y-you mean you liked staying in the tower?" Alfred frowned, not understanding the logic in that at all. The world was so pretty, and there was always so much to see! Honestly the only reason it took him two days to get to the tower was because he had spent so long enjoying his new-found freedom in the outdoors. Being a prince certainly had its downfalls when you wanted to take a break and just lie in a field all day. Ivan shrugged, and then nodded, picking up a bag as he started to gather his things.

"Da. It is comfortable here. I am fed and I am given a constant supply of yarn, there isn't anything to dislike," he explained with a rather bored tone, Alfred nodding slowly along as he watched the man pack. "Well, except for the suitors. You princes never really seemed very interesting."

"Wh-what!" Alfred scowled, insulted and touchy all over again. For a minute there he had actually felt a little sympathetic for the 'princess'! Trading places with his sister so she could be happy, wanting a simple life… Those were no excuses for being rude! But he was already tired from his trip, and it was already getting late… "Well… Alright, fine. If you don't want to be rescued I guess I could just go."

"Nyet, nyet," Ivan purred, shaking his head as he cinched his draw-string bag closed, all packed and ready to go. "You have 'rescued' me, hm? I suppose I wouldn't mind playing along with you. I have not been outside in a long time as well. Perhaps it will be fun."

"Yeah, whatever. So, how do we get down?" Alfred asked, peering out the window before glancing at Ivan, waiting expectantly for an explanation.

* * *

"Why the fuck do you gotta take this fucking gold scarf with you, I can't see!" Alfred complained, struggling to simultaneously carry the bigger man and climb down the rope at the same time. Ivan huffed, kicking his legs while he scowled.

"Because I wanted to. Why, is my hero so weak he can't even handle the weight of a scarf, too?" Ivan sneered, mocking the young prince as he waited to be put on the ground. Alfred seethed with anger, scowling at the haughty 'princess'.

"You're pretty damn rude, for a princess. I just saved you! You should be thanking your handsome prince!" he huffed, glancing down. At least they only had maybe 10 more feet left to go... Ivan scowled, a pale lip drawn up in a snarl as he glared at the other man.

"I would make a better prince than you," he huffed, crossing his arms tighter over his little satchel of gold thread and knitting needles. Alfred rolled his eyes, deciding to just jump the rest of the way. Ivan squawked indignantly in surprise, Alfred almost dropping him when he released the rope.

"Yeah, right," Alfred rolled his eyes, setting the agitated 'princess' down on the ground. "This fucking blows, I thought I was going to rescue some beautiful broad and marry her and have kids or something and instead I'm stuck with you!"

"You think I wanted  _you_  to rescue me? Some dim-witted prince who thinks he can just pick a girl up and marry her!" Ivan huffed, rolling his eyes as he dusted off his golden dress. They both glared at each other, finally able to size each other up. Unable to help himself, Ivan's gaze settled on Alfred's crotch, an unimpressed smirk of amusement coming to his face. "My dick is probably bigger than yours."

Alfred gasped and made a strangled, frustrated noise, glaring at the other man. "Y-you! How dare you insult me! I am a prince, you have no right to talk to me like that!"

"And I am a princess," Ivan rolled his eyes, lips quirked as Alfred simmered with wounded pride. Eventually the silence got the better of him, and Alfred couldn't remain quiet any more.

"Fine. You wanna bet? We can bet. I bet my dick is bigger than yours. If I'm right, that means I get to fuck you, right here, right now."

"And if you lose, the reverse will happen," Ivan giggled, Alfred wincing away in surprise at that predatory look. Ivan stooped, setting his bag on the ground before grabbing the hem of his dress. "Very well. Let me see what my little prince has to show, if there is anything to be seen there at all."

Needless to say, Alfred had the best fuck of his life no more than two minutes later, the beautiful princess he had rescued gladly fucking him against a tree.


End file.
